and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
