she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
