thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Randomize
