Please, let me fuck your mom
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
