the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
