Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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