I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
