Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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