We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
My vagina just clenched in fear
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
