yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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