If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
