I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
