He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
