Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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