we made out on top of his cat.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Randomize
