Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
