Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
