I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
