What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
