I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
