he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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