I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
