I think I am morally bankrupt
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
