You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Success! We fucked roommates!
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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