im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
