i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
