So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
