Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
