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haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
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