Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
