M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
