As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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