I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
