exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
