wat bout pragnant strippers??
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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