This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Barsexuality is the new black.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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