i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Is Oprah even human
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
