don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
