I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
