I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I could fuck to npr.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
