he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
