She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
