Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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