omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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