8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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