My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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