Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
