I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
