I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
