Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
