In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
